Windscreen Greeting

A couple of weeks ago, I left work at the end of the day and returned to my car, only to be greeted with a comical note left on the windscreen. I've intended to write about this since then and as I'm in the process of tidying, I feel pressurised into composing a blog post so that I can now add this to the recycling box.

For context, I typically park in a very well-to-do street around some very nice, big houses, the sort that would attract a few million were they to go on the market. The house I was parked nearest looks to have about 327 bedrooms, a large garden and drive / front parking area which typically features several expensive cars and you can just tell is owned by the sort of people who read the Daily Mail.

The message spake thus:

"YOU ARE BLOCKING OUR DRIVE, YOUR CAR HAS NOT MOVED FOR SEVERAL DAYS PLEASE MOVE IT FORWARD!"

It amused me because I was impressed that someone had gone to such patient and diligent effort to be so utterly incorrect.

To start with the core accusation, I wasn't blocking their drive. With what was in hindsight undeservedly considerate behaviour on my part I had even pulled forward as far as possible so they could enter and leave. This road I park in is designed like a U - with both ends of the U hooking back to the same main road - so if my careful parking was even remotely hindering their drive-entering or drive-leaving activity, they could spend 30 seconds coming in from the other end of the road.

More amusing was the suggestion that I hadn't moved for several days. This was surprising to me, as I distinctly remembered returning home the previous day which would have been more difficult to achieve if I had driven home while simultaneously leaving my car in place. I had by coincidence parked in the same space two consecutive days - so not only had they incorrectly thought I hadn't moved, but they confused 'two' for 'several', a careless mistake in any book.

Finally, the instruction to move my car forward (undoubtedly to help clear their access to their precious drive, something that was already available to any vehicle not as wide as an elephant - considering the expensive car collection they may well have had an elephant available and this was the core problem). As they slipped this note under my windscreen, my anonymous correspondant had clearly noted that I was a couple of inches at most from the car in front of me (see earlier note on pulling forward as far as possible to allow them continued use of their driveway when not elephant-mounted). Clearly at this point they decided to ignore that this mere fact undermined their entire argument and just plough straight ahead (insert political joke here) and left the note having clearly gone to such effort in penning it in the first place.

This incident amused me so much because it was clearly indicative of someone with far too little to do to fill their day, and far too little competence at doing even these basic things correctly. I thought of writing a response but it was far too much effort - and I didn't want to run the risk of getting lost going up their drive to deliver it. Instead I settled for the lazier approach of exposing their idiotic fussing from the comfort of my blog - mission now accomplished.