Okay. This has cropped up in general discussion a couple of times of late, and due to my generally unusual opinions I wanted to at least clarify what I mean when I have the opportunity to correct my mis-statements.
Excellent.
To start with, this is not something I have a great personal fear of, nor that I'm generally opposed to. In fact, overall marriage isn't a bad thing, except the spelling, which always trips you up. In the conceptual version - two people joining together - it's a great thing, something that should be thought of positively. (Of course, it's never about that, it's about the dress or the cake or the venue or the reception or the flowers or the cars or the myriad of other things that go into planning a wedding, but that's a different story.)
What I typically take issue with is the way it is given a great significance beyond that which it actually bestows. Taken literally, a marriage is the legal confirmation of a couple's commitment. Now, you may take a more religious line, which I know some of my readers do, in which case there are other factors which I won't fully go into because it's an entirely different subject matter. What I personally take issue with is how marriage is held as a holy grail, as a final goal and an idealised future. The comparisons with everything else are that they are markedly inferior.
Now, I'm in a relationship of closing in on six years, one which I'm seriously committed to. Relationships such as mine - long-term, seriously committed ones - are not common. But when they are, it is greeted with bafflement. A long-term relationship seemingly has less validity in people's eyes than a short term relationship where people end up married (as this seems as good a point as any to clarify, this isn't aimed at any of my readers, so Sophie, Kat, you can put the weapons down, I'm not trying to dissuade Mark or Tim).
Pop culture and everyday 'norms' confirm all of this - when was the last time you saw a couple for a long time together in any TV program without a 'happy ending', but just a happy couple? The problem is that because of this idealised vision painted of marriage, everything else takes on a naturally gloomier look by comparison.
The long and short of it? When I think about it in depth, I think positively towards the concept. What irritates me is when people somehow assign a lesser significance or seriousness to a relationship without a marriage (lack of commitment? I think years alone indicate commitment), or without this quote wedded bliss quote you won't know true happiness. What rubbish.
Not sure where this came from, really. But essentially: people can be happy in lots of ways.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
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2 comments:
I completely agree, and if recent times have taught us anything its that marriage is by no means permanent (basing on purely statistical rather than personal experience). You put religion in a corner, but it also has logistical connotations too - such as living together after marriage (and not before), and y'know, that other thing which us unmarried Christians are supposed to abstain from...
Both of which (perhaps wrongly) speed up the marriage process!
Anyway, its an interesting post
Yeah. I figured those were the more logical directions for that to take on the religious line. But because I prefer not to assume too much, and that I have my own opinions on that which I try and be a bit politer about, didn't go too far on that one!
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