The Last Few Weeks

So, let me get right to it.

These past few weeks I have been, to put it mildly, struggling. Those of you who know me well will know that my personality has a slight tendancy towards depressive behaviour. This was definitely manifesting itself these past few weeks.

I was getting into a vicious circle at work which was getting rather worrying. Irritatingly, as an intelligent man, I knew this, and was still unable to stop it. I was overwhelmed and increasingly stressed over work, which resulted in mild insomnia. This meant I was performing worse due to tiredness; the answer to which was coffee. Caffeine is not only a great stimulant, but it also causes stress. It also means you have difficulties sleeping. As you can see, here was my circle.

Another of my irritating tendencies is my slight obsessiveness. This can be a great help in reaching a goal, and has undoubtedly helped push me in many ways. It's why I do well at problem solving. However, when I had things at work that I really needed to switch off from to give myself a break, I couldn't. I was still obsessing over them, and as of such I never really 'left' work. This also did not help.

Last week was particularly bad. Mainly because I was starting to realise all of the above and was unable to stop it. Force of sheer will can overcome many things, but that wasn't helping! As I was struggling, I knew my performance at work was getting worse; as a result, I felt the need to work longer hours, take less breaks, in an effort to get things done. It doesn't take a genius to work out this didn't do much to change things.

However, this past weekend has helped. A great deal. It's given me a chance to unwind. To catch up with people and spend time with friends and not with my head in work. The distance was a great mental break. I felt better, and I felt refreshed when I came back. Thanks to all for your help and support, even those who didn't know it - it was of immense value to me.

I've also switched to decaf.

Musical Reminders

It is not rare for people to associate pieces of music to events, or that act of reminders of people. For example, 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' always reminds me of Iccyh; when I hear 'Starlight' by Muse, I am driving down Sequoia with Chrissi. The reason for this aside? That another song association is 'Mr Brightside' by The Killers, which I will forever associate with my final year at Durham.

This weekend, for those that don't know, I was up in Harrogate for the wedding of Tim and Kat - two friends from my final year. It was great not only for this, but that it gave me an opportunity to see all my friends from Durham. It was wonderful to catch up with them all - it's hard to believe it's well over three years since I left there!

In summary - I need to work harder at keeping in touch with folk, because I really do enjoy catching up with people when I do get around to it!

Six of the Best

I've had several things on my mind today, but they can wait until tomorrow. I've been lacking writing material.

Today marks six years since Chrissi and I started dating. I know from over the years of mild disbelief to good natured mockery that not all would consider some part of that a 'full' relationship, but I do, and Chrissi does, and that's the main thing. It's six years I am very grateful for and appreciative of, and can only hope for many more to follow.

To Clarify ...

As this has caused massive confusion, I will clear this up.

Next weekend - the 19th/20th - I am going to Harrogate for Tim and Kat's wedding. Tim, in this case, is Tim from my final year at Durham, surname of Marjoribanks, a.k.a. 'the man who talks about pigeons'. Not any other Tim or any other person not called Tim. Kat is his fiancee, who also went to Durham, at a different college.

Hope this helps.

Insomnia

It always worries me when I start to get insomnia, as it's usually the first sign I'm starting to get over-stressed. It's also usually a way that my occasional depression manifests itself, so that's also not a good sign.

Summary: I need this manic spell at work to die down soon.

Bit of a Lull

You may've noticed I've not really been blogging recently, and I have obviously noticed this too. I've been scratching around trying to work out precisely why that is.

At the moment, I've not really gotten much going on. I'm overwhelmed at work, and that's feeding through to everything else with both a lack of time to do other things and a bit of a lack of interest or motivation to do that as well. All this makes for very little to talk about. Last week at the bank holiday, I did kick myself into gear for some of the weekend to try and get something happening. It didn't last for as long as I wanted to, however.

To be honest, I think I'm searching for something to give me that bit of a push. It's not going to just appear for me, so I should just get on and do it.

Jog On

So, this morning I actually managed to get up early enough and motivated enough to go for a run once more. Again, the thought of me running on a daily basis is both somewhat impressive and somewhat comical. However, today was worthy of an achievement because I actually managed to run around my entire 'course' I set for myself without stopping. I'm not necessarily sure I was topping walking pace at some points, obviously, but I was still technically running, so that's the main thing.

I celebrated this by punching the air as I reached back to the house, something again both simultaneously comic and tragic.

Also today, I noticed a bizarre notice at the station that amused me. This was a standard 'no skating, no rollerblading, no whatever else' on the platform. However, it also added 'no loitering'. Um? Isn't that what waiting for a train IS by definition? Peculiar.