End of Decade

So today is the final day of the 'noughties', or whatever they're going to be dubbed. Today I was already baffled by receiving a text message from Rachel at around 1pm wishing me and Dad a happy new year. It took me a few seconds to twig that as she was in Australia, it was actually 2010 for her already.

This evening I will be heading to the Tisdalls' at some point. Yesterday evening was good, as I spent some time catching up with people. Highlight of the evening goes to Sid, for when asking if I wanted a drink and I self-mockingly asked for an exciting diet coke, asked the barmaid for an exciting diet coke. I got a bonus shot of diet coke in a shot glass, with a stirrer.

Top effort.

Back to Work

So today was incredibly odd being back at work. This was obviously a surprise to others too - including Mark, who despite having asked me when I was around yesterday, decided to call me at work to see if I was free. No, no I wasn't.

Anyway, it was odd. Yesterday it felt like a holiday still, and that it would keep on being one. Today it was back into the routine. An admittedly relaxed routine still, with few people around and a large amount of chatting and catching up, but still a work routine all the same.

Only one and two-third days left this week!

Present Delivery

So, as I have alluded to previously - both this year and years past - I can't stand the bustle and hassle of Christmas shopping in the shops. This year I resolved to do my shopping online. Considerably easier, you might think.

Well, yes and no. The problem is then comes with the delivery. This worked fine - it was due to arrive on Tuesday. Snow probably interfered slightly with the schedules, but it was promised to arrive on Tuesday all the same. They attempted to deliver on Tuesday. Noone was home.

This is where it gets good.

Dad was off on Wednesday, so kindly went to pick it up from the parcel depot as instructed. When he got there, he found it had been put on a van. Strangely enough, noone was home when they tried to deliver it. Infuriating.

A second collection attempt was made today, and I found that not only was the package itself so badly packed and small that it could've been put through the letterbox anyway, but also that it was missing a large amount of the present material I had purchased.

Bugger.

Who Is This For, Anyway?

I was going to spend this evening making some passing comments about snow and cold, but instead my blogging attention was distracted by a truly entertaining article in the Evening Standard I read on the delayed train home.

Essentially, it was a lover's guide for Christmas. I have no idea who these theoretical lovers are, but it seemed like a thoroughly bizarre chest of advice. Here are some of my favourite titbits as to how it doesn't work for me:

- Don't guess her size! Look at some discarded garments discreetly while she showers, etc! Okay ... if I kept Chrissi's spare clothes, let alone underwear around, that would be extremely odd. Not the thoughtful gesture it suggests. Count that as a no ...
- (In reference to, say, lingerie shopping) Ask her best friends what she may like that she's gone shopping with! I'm wondering what Carisa's reaction would be if I were to ask her that. It'd be somewhere between baffled bemusement and moral outrage, I'm sure. It's almost tempting to ask just to see the reaction ...
- What's saucy not sleazy? £200 knickers! I'm sorry, how much? For underwear that there practically isn't anything of anyway? I'll pass, thanks, and spend my money on something with greater value-for-money, like a chocolate teapot.
- Don't be a cheapskate, gifts money can't buy are pointless! Wait a minute, aren't those the ones we're always taught are more romantic? Except at Christmas, where commercialism rules? What's that logic again?
- What about sleeping together at her parents' house? Be wary in case she is extra loud to prove she's her own woman! Erm ... okay ... I have absolutely no idea what that is about, to be brutally honest.

As said, an odd compendium of advice. I think I'll follow my instinct rather than this misguided 'how to' tips collection.

Christmas Countdown

You all have the rare pleasure of a weekend blog; this time I am discussing the charts.

By now you will all now that Rage Against The Machine is rightfully and hilariously number one. It's the first time I've listened to the charts in around ten years, and it was thoroughly worth it. Clearly, we need far more rocking songs in the charts. This also proves one thing above all - don't underestimate the internet.

Talking of countdowns, it appears my blog counts have been off for ages. Seemingly there were a lot of old drafts that I subsequently posted hidden in my posts - so I was about twelve under what it promised. Failing that, this would be my 350th post - but instead it's only the 338th! Not quite as significant.

Snow Day

So that was the much feted snow - supposedly laying waste to transport networks, roads and generally causing chaos. It was a small fall which was perhaps an inch or so. It stuck around, but barely to the level forecast.

And definitely not enough to build any sort of snow-objects out of.

Questions? Comments?

We interrupt my scheduled topic for today with this marvellous extract from, of all places, the side of a cling film box.

"Questions? Comments?"

I'm sorry, if you have questions or comments on cling film then you are not allowed to use it. Just who has questions or comments on cling film? It's cling film, you use it, what's the complication?

[For American readers, you may refer to this by the brandname of Saran wrap.]

I Won't Do What You Tell Me

So last night I read and was thoroughly amused at the fantastic Facebook campaign to replace the manufactured nonsense of X-Factor for Christmas No. 1 in the charts with the excellent Rage Against The Machine's most excellent Killing in the Name song.

Last night over 750,000 people were in support of this according to the ever-unreliable barometer that is Facebook.

I've done my bit tonight and purchased my copy for great justice.

To join in the democratic overthrow of the X-Factor/Cowell chart hijack, download the single (available here), and also contribute to the excellent associated cause of homeless charity Shelter here - which has already raised an immense £40,000 from the generosity of this campaign.

Rage Against The X-Factor!

Decorations!

Oddest thing of the week happened on Thursday, but I recall now I never posted about it.

At work we were doing our typical kill-a-couple-of-hours thing by putting up some decorations. We have a load of them from previous years, so a simple matter of just attaching them up (a paperclip holding them under the ceiling tiles works quite well). The flaw was that we lacked any invisible string. Or any other form of string for that matter.

So ever resourceful, Lorrayne decided to donate some of her hair to the cause. Two or three hairs worked quite well to hold a baubel up. It's surprisingly strong. So yes, our Christmas decorations are held up at work with human hair.

This sounds far weirder retelling it, actually.

Poker Final

Tonight was the poker final at work; the grand conclusion of the year's tournament.

There are twelve monthly rounds, where placings get you points for the leaderboard. The best ten results combine to form your final score; the top eight ranks get onto the final table. Your chips are determined proportional to your scores from the regular monthly rounds.

I went into the final as a narrow chip leader. After many back-and-forth hours of intense pokering, I eventually emerged victorious.

Hurrah.

MinusBus

A couple of weeks ago I got myself organised enough when doing my season ticket to look into how on earth you get the deal to get the bus ticket. It turns out it's quite simple - you ask at the station for a 'PlusBus' ticket, which can extend for one week, one month or three months. Simple, obviously.

Annoyingly so. A three month 'PlusBus' costs a grand total of £99. Now, consider that that three months will have probably thirteen weeks within it. Thirteen weeks where you would pay £18 per week. This is a total of £234 for that same period. This is what I have been paying. Essentially, over the past two and a quarter years, I've paid an additional £1,200-ish for bus fares than I needed to.

Bugger. I could've put that towards something useful.

Making Good Use Of Those Free Minutes ...

While trying to occupy myself on boring train journeys, I found myself tidying my phone contact list. As I can now have multiple numbers under the same contact (revolutionary idea, I know!) this occupied some time and made some sense.

I also decided to cull anyone I haven't spoken to for a large number of years. This represented actually a large number of people. Clearly, I need to lose my phone more to refresh my contact list easier and help auto-purge it of people I never talk to (or in some cases, never have talked to!).

Today I was in Reading and Slough. Both are not highlights of Middle England. I survived.

Two Mornings After ...

So today at work was unsurprisingly dominated by talk of Friday night's exploits at the Christmas party. There were many stars, but for me the following were the winners:

3. Neil deciding that the best way to take a photograph was by lying down on his back. It wasn't. Someone tripped over him; he lost his hold on the camera, which now won't turn on as a result. Genius.

2. Nimesh - having already been sick after starting off drinking way too fast - spent the past hour going around the dance area insistently telling me people were drunk and that they needed help. Yes, they were. But that's what happens when people drink. When asked what he was doing, he was "looking out for IT Projects". Fantastic.

1. Apparantly Neil thought the best way home after the party - and consequently stopping by Mark Stevenson's for a few nightcap - would be to walk (note this is now 6am or so). He got to Kingston and fell asleep on a park bench. Unparalleled.

This is all more reason for vindicating the decision to remain sober. One, this doesn't happen to me. Two, I can remember this all to impressive detail which noone else can. This gives me fabulous comedy probably until the end of the year now!

Party On

So Friday marked the office Christmas party (I keep wanting to capitalise the P, I'm not sure why). While according to stereotypethis should be a tedious and dull affair, I usually don't mind them. Yes, I know this is out of character with my Scrooge-like persona.

It involves typically a night out with people I get along with, paid for at someone else's expense, and with the added bonus that being the only non-drinker that I know of at work, that I have prime comedy material for the rest of the year. This played pretty much to type.

The venue this year was a considerable improvement over last year - a comedy club in Clapham Junction area. Of course, the inspired move of being at a comedy club on a work do when your work is an employment agency is potential - employment agencies being ranked just above estate agents in this category, really. The acts were funny enough - three different ones plus one guy providing links between them all.

Comedy was also provided by many of my colleagues. More on that later, though, after tomorrow's bound-to-be-entertaining review.

Winter Nights

Tonight was poker, in the first of a busy couple of nights. It was good, and went on for a long time, and I eventually finished third, meaning I was top of the table for the regular season.

Tomorrow night is the work Christmas party. It seems far too early for this to have come around, but nevertheless, here it is. I don't feel at all Christmassy yet, and it still just feels damp and autumnal, not wintery! However, I'm sure it will be an enjoyable occasion.

Today I have mostly made the same calls again and again as per Tuesday's comment. I've spent the entire week talking, it's too much. Time for some silence!

New Month!

We are one day into December and so far I'm already done with Christmas music. It's too much.

Today involved mostly repeating the same phonecall to lots of people's voicemail. I had gotten a very good spiel of it down by the end, to the point I was baffled when someone answered their phone. If people interrupted me I also lost my point. Only another 30-40 calls to go tomorrow on this one!